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Repost because it was deleted by the admins... The gumball adventures of Billy B. So, there I was leaving work, when I came upon this red light. It was around 7:00pm and the sun was beginnng to set on the horizen. I could hear the seegules squaking in the cool night air. I looked at the redlight and once again I see the line of opponients waiting on me to race them. It was the same thing that happened every night. At that moment I decided I had to prove myself to everyone at once, so I don't have these riceburners waiting on me every night. There I stand, driving my 1995 300zx Twin Turbo SGP stage 16+ without a care in the world. Know, if you now me, you now that I am undoutable the most experienced street racer in the nown world. Growing up on the mean streets of Malabu, my Racer legend grew and grew. Today, I have challanges coming from all over the world. Challanges that no normal man has ever had to surcome to. I have proved myself time and time again that I am the one and only Billy B. Master of the streetracing phanonomon. Every day, I receive challanges from local wannabies to forign wannabies. So far I have remained unbeatable, unbelievable and inconceivable. I have decided to once and for all declare my extreme manlyness and ability to completely destroy my competition. That's right. I entered the gumball 3000. This is a small glimpse of my gumball adventure. Just for a little background information, If you don't now what the gumball 3000 is, it's a race going from one side of the united states to the other. No rules, the winner is the first person to drive from New York to California. alright, know that everyone is experts on the gumball ralley, I will tell you the tail of the gumball from the views and perspective of Billy B.
I took the long drive from Florida all of the way to New York, to be in the gumball. The race started at around 6am on monday morning. I drove into the garage that all of the other racers had parked their cars and took a look at my competion. I walked down the first row, and saw a few farraris, Lamberginis, and porchs. All of the cars had these gumball 3000 stickers all over their hoods and doors. Most of them had numbers posted on them. I was going to go register at the gumball front desk, but I remembered that winning the gumball ralley would be a huge event, and there would be allot of press talking to the winner. Know if you know me, you now that I do not like talking with press. Especially when I have 3 warrents for my arrest for traffic violations. I decided that I would race secretly, with no numbers or markings on my car. It was 6:00am and the race was about to begin, I waited until all of the other racers had left and I began my journey to see just how good I really was. I began my persuit in New York city. Just as I started the race, I found myself right behind a Dodge Viper. Some of you may remember how i despise Vipers, they are riceburners. All of my viper frustration was about to be unleashed. I pulled right even with the viper and saw the green light fade to yellow then red. We both paused for a second and decided to stop for the redlight. As we both rolled to a stop, i began to stare at the Viper driver, just hoping he would look my way and ask what my problem was. I waited for about 5 seconds, and he never looked my way. This Viper was going to pay.
The light turns green, and I hear the Vipers engine whine. I match the vipers speed up to about 100 mph. That's when the viper man looks over at me. I quickly switch my car to automatic pilot mode and jump thru my passenger side window,and thru his drivers side window. By this time my entire upper body is thru his window and inside his car, while my waist and legs are dangling outside the speeding viper. I begin to knaw on the unsuspecting man's forehead. I could see the bitter sweet look on the man's face, not really sure how he was suppost to react. I proceeded to inialate the man with my canablistic instincts. The man began crying and I felt my visit should probably come to an end. So, I hopped back in the Z and proceeded forward. Now, that I had gotten some frustration out of the way, I could do some easy driving and take up some New York City scenery. I continued driving down route 66 when i noticed off in the distance, a red ferrari F50. I had actually never seen an F50 in person before, so I quickly caught up with the exotic racecar. As I looked at the car's beautiful design and grace, I noticed the man inside was laughing at my Z. I can only guess he was a spoiled rich kid who has no respect for his elders. I decided that spoiled rich people should not be given a car like an F50. I slowed down and pulled behind the farrari, and pressed my machine gun headlights, and I then flashed the high beams, if you now what I mean. The farrari, began spinning and eventually slammed into a tree. I fought with the idea of getting out and teaching the spoiled kid a lesson, but remembered that I was in a race, and should probably stay focused on my goal. So, On i proceeded.
By this time it was beginning to get dark, and I needed a place to crash for the night. I found a nice little icecream shop that was open 24 Hours. I parked my car and opened the trunk. I pulled out my sleeping bag, and headed inside the icecream shop. I began unfolding the bag on top of a empty table, when this punk kid walks up to me and asks who i was and what I was doing. Normally I would have just hauled off and opened a can of whoopass on this kid, but it was getting late and I had been driving all day. I told him I was BillyB, and I am going to sleep on the table. and Actually to my supprise the kid was fine with it. he walked away and came back with some rocky road icecream and gave it to me free of charge. I asked him how he knew that I liked Rocky Road and the kid replyed. "you are the great billy b" I have read all of your storys on twinturbo.net and I love your adventures. your the reason I work at an icecream shop!" So, I politely said thanks, ate my Rocky Road and wished him a good night.
Morning came early. I jumped in the Z and headed toward California. My previous experiences with other racers had taught me that to win this race, I have to control my temper. I will not win if I jump out of the car to kick someones ass every 30 minutes. I really had to hold off the asswhippings only for special occassions. I grabbed a bite for breakfest and I headed back down route 66 I meet up with a group of racers, that dident seem too bad. no major riceburners, just a few Astin martains, and a 350Z. I decided to ride along with them for a few miles. As I was flipping thru my police scanner, i learned that the fuzz had a roadblock up ahead. I knew that if I was with the numbered cars, they would stop me also, so I proceeded to lag behind them a few miles. I finally caught up with the other racers all stopped at the blockade, and as I rolled by a policeman flaged me down. I thought to myself, what if the policeman asks me an increminating question? I slowed down and the policeman asked me if I was in the race. I relpyed back, 'do you see any stickers? He then asked "what state are you in?" I thought to myself "damn, an increminating question', I had no idea!!" I replyed back to the officer "Alabama?". He then replyed back to me "please step out of the car." I looked over at the policeman's car and it said Colorado State police. At that moment I made a decision, I could either get out of the car, or I could haul ass and just leave everybody. I thought to myself, I only had to make it to Navada I was only about 10 miles from the state line, and I would be out of his juristiction. I made my decision, and I nailed it. Pulling G's I quickly outran the officer in his Police Cruiser. But i guess I was not thinking about his ability to radio ahead. I quickly found 10 officers blocking me in and forcing me off the road. Know if you now me, you now that I do not like cops forcing me off the road. I despise cops forcing me off the road. I quickly pressed my secret windsheild wiper button and propelled my 8 foot hydrolic spring jack from underneith the Z. I heartled over the 10 policecars and landed in Navada. I was free.
I was know about half way across country. Blasting the good old sounds of Puff the magic dragon. I found myself passing racer after racer. Somewhere in Arkansas I came across a pack of riceburning hondas. They were all riced out with V-Tech and Type-R stickers and huge illuminum wings, these honda's were all painted in these weird glow in the dark colors. These riceburning indiviuals had to pay. I was going on 36 hours without unleashing any notable severe beatings. It was about time to awaken turkish uncle. I jumped in front of the riceburning parade pressed my secret slippery goe. As I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw all 8 of the honda's spinning and crashing into the concrete median. After all of the cars were off the road, I stopped and got out of my car, pretending to just be some normal bystander. I told all of the honda drivers that I had saw the guy who sprayed them with slippery goe. All of the riceburners believed me except for one curiously sneaky riceburner. He kept asking questions like "how do you know it was slippery goe, it could have just been an oil slick. and "why dident you follow the mysterious 'other guy". Just as the curious little riceburner was about to ask another increminating question I decided it would be best if I just opened up a keg of whoopass on all of the honda drivers. After I proceeded to viciously pound on the nosey riceburner his friends slowly realized there was no other driver. That I had dumped the slippery goe. By the time they realized, I had already taken out 4 out of 10 of the honda gang. That left only 7 more. I found myself trapped, with 4 ricers in front and 3 in back. Circling me like vultures. At that moment, I decided to take it easy on the remaining 7. I offered them a truse, but of course, being the idiots they were, they did not except. 2 of them jumped at me from behind, and I swooped into action. I grabed the first guys leg, and twisted it around the second guys neck, until it was touching the first guys head. (I know, its kinda hard to explain, but It sure looked like it hurt) 4 more began their attack, I jumped in the air and performed a jump snap mule kick that landed right in guy # 3 testicles. I then turned to the remaining 3 but they had seen enough, they all started running away from the turkish one. I found myself alone agian. So, i jumped back in my car and headed further down the road to California.
So, there i was, crossing the Califoria state line. Thanks to my super secret spy gagets I now that there are only 2 other racers in front of me. Currently in first is a Lambergeni Murcealo, and following with him is a Firarri Modenia. I was only about 30 seconds behind them at the state line. We still had 10 miles to go until the finish line. I quickly caught up with the Ferarri, and I pulled up even with him. As I looked over at the driver, I could tell he was very focused on winning the race. All of a sudden the ferarri driver shifted his neck in my direction. Know, anyone in the street racing business, nows that shifting your neck is a personal insult, and I do not tolerate insults. I quickly jumped in front of the fararri and slammed the brakes, forcing both of us to come to a stop. The fararri driver jumped out of his car and began shouting "Why did you stop me, I was about to win the race" he then proceeded to shuve me. I thought to myself, The race is almost over and I really need to get backon the road. But then again, I could make short work of this guy. I began beating the man until he was in the fetal position. I ran back over to my Z and pulled out the rope, and then I tied the man to a near by oak tree. I had humiliated the man, now, I just had to teach him a lesson about driving riceburning farrari's. I then headed back over to my car and pressed super secret button number 3, that's when 2 rocket torpedoes fire out of my modified Jim Wolf Intake, and thru my GTZ-R front facia. Then Farrari was now, nothing more than a burning pile of rubble. I drove on, and quickly caught up with the Lamborgheni.. 1 Mile to go, Lambergheni and 300ZX head to head, right even with eachother. the finish line was growing closer and closer, I could smell victory. It was just the two off us. I poped the clutch and double shifted, and sprinted ahead of the Lambergheni for the win. Of course it wasent an official win, because i had no number on the car, but a win just the same. I had proved to myself that I am the best. I have proved to the world that I am the best. So, no matter which of my Alias' you choose to call me, Billy B; Racer X; or Turkish uncle, I know that I am the worlds fastest street racer. After the race was over, I watched the Lambergheni get his 1st place trophy. While I thought to myself, The secret of Billy B, and his True Identity are still safe. Instead of being publisized, and mabey being in a made for TV movie, I will remain the mysterious unbeaten racer. I will remain true to the street racer way. i will remain the great Billy B.
This concludes Billy B. Chronicles for 4/27/03
"Gumball 3000 adventure"
"...Downpipes own. They own everything...anything...all there ever was and will be...they should be stock on all cars. Screw the environment, emissions, noise! I love them...I shall name my first-born after them with glee..." - SeedyRom 05:13:20 10/03/02 "Ricers are idiots" - RezidentEvil "i love the cock" - genic 22:20:47 09/25/03 "a hair brush does make a nice didlo, but it fixes your hair even better" -Nixit 6/2/2003 |
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